The saddest autumn

This is the saddest autumn of my life.

Today is sad, tomorrow will be sad, the day after it as well, and every single day until autumn officially ends. Which is 21st December, inclusive.

My life may seem great. I am living in my country with my family, I have a job in one of the coolest cafes in town, my coworkers like me and I am not bullied, I get delicious free lunches at work, I can have proper coffee whenever I need it, I got an internship at the editor’s office of a magazine that I used to be obsessed with, I have a lamp that Scandinavian people use to prevent depression, a new tea store and yerba mate just opened in town, I have a Sunday job where I can have gingerbread whenever I want and where my boss allows me to use his impressive library, I live in the most beautiful street in town, plus my town has some of the most famous architectural complexes in Europe, I had met Lewis Watson 3 times and Charlie McDonnell once in person, a month ago I went to Paris, I have flight tickets booked for next month to go to Edinburgh visit some of my friends I made at university, etc…

Everything should be fine.

But it isn’t. Why not?

There are a few reasons. Let me count them.

(1) Doctors. Doctors, doctors, doctors. They constantly want something from me. Those that I don’t want to see need me to see them, and those that I really want to see AOAP (As Often As Possible) have really busy schedules and can only give me an appointment every 6 weeks.

(2) I am not at university.

While

(3) All of my friends are.

Okay, not ALL of my friends are at university. Actually, most of the people I see on an everyday basis either have not started uni yet, or they had already graduated.

Which does not make me any more happy.

Am I comparing myself with others? To some extent I am, given that I often think “all of my clever friends are at university, which means I am not as clever as them“. But it really means nothing to me that a lot of people of my age are not at university, and they are either in full time employment, or doing nothing with their lives and living off their parents’ money, or doing anti-drug therapy because they’re junkies.

What’s the way to stop comparing myself with others, then?

Perhaps to do my thing. Get better at it. Find a passion and focus on it, instead of my flaws. And work harder, work hard on the stuff that matters.

And do something with this world, because it really is poisoning our minds at the speed of light. Especially if you live in a city. “Civilization”, they call it.

Bollocks.

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